Monday, August 28, 2006

All the Leaves are Brown...

It's pouring outside and there's a chill in the air... No one needs to say it, but you know it's a fact: Summer is over here in the capital... Summer Sales a distant memory of the past and winter coats have replaced bathing suits and sarongs in shop windows... Not just Back To School ads on television break our hearts, as there are a number of signs that the sun's going to be leaving us for a long,long time... I've compiled my list below, got any additions?

Signs It's The End of Summer in London:

1. Big Brother Seven - After 93 days of watching a group of people live their lives in the BB7 House and forgetting to live ours, Tourette's Sufferer Pete Unsurprisingly Wins the Hearts of Millions (and the £1000,000 cash prize), does his one only interview with Hello/OK! magazine (I forget the second I pick it up) and our summer celebrities fall into a black hole of obscurity never to come back to the lime light again... No more watching a group of wannabe tv presenters lounge around a pool in thier skimpiest bathing suits all day long - well, not until next summer that is, when the brilliant folks at Channel4 find another group of hopeful chavs to keep our long summer days entertained with meaningless tasks... Say your goodbye to your summer tv stars, becuase who knows when you'll ever see them again... *serving you at a Tesco's next November* "Nikki? NIKKI? Is that you? OHMYGOSH you look so faaabulous! What happened? No modeling contract eh? No E4 presenter job? Ouch... Hey, I'm sorry love, you were fantastic... those tantrums? So real! Your hair & makeup so professionally done at every hour of the day! My God you were fantastic... Err... could you not bag those eggs with my sausages, mate? Cheers..."

2. No More Arabs - I can't say no tourists, because London's a city that's always buzzing with holiday groups in their bum-bags and brick Reebok cross trainers, no matter what time of year. However, June always welcomes that influx of Arabic families that lazily waddle down the streets and bang into everyone with their dozen or so shopping bags in hand. It's almost like it happens overnight - one day you hear the weather's going to clear up, the next you're pushing your way through loud, obnoxious (and usually obese - I don't know why) crowds of arabic families who are either a) eating shawarma or b) trying to hail a cab to Edgware Road from Marble Arch corner. I won't miss you when you're gone.

3. No more '99s on Oxford Street - I will miss the glowering vendors on every corner & the grownups who run to them before you cay say "Diabetes"... Ah that soft ice cream with the perfect flake and the funny stories of how its name came about... No, it was never 99p but we can still scowl at inflation on England's biggest shopping street... However, the disapperance of everyone's favourite ice cream cone is excused: it also takes with it the fake south american musicians/dancers who sell you their homemade CDs for a tenner. These people must camp out in some crack in the pavement (all 8 of them) until they spot a good amount of tourists loitering around... and BAM! Before you know it, they've popped out with their keyboards and maracas. I swear I hear them speak Tagala to eachother in their cheap fabric-micro fiber faux suede ponchos... LIARS! BE GONE!

4. The End of the Flip Flop - NO MORE FEET. Summer marks the beginning of bare feet - Muji maxes out on this season with their awesome flip flops for under a fiver and cityfolk go crazy. Now, as someone with not-so-pretty-slave-girl feet, I try not to exhibit my monstrosity often, but summer is an exception. This is a strange phenomenon as walking around in flipflops in London is really an act of bravery - do it, spend a sunny day out in the city in yer flippers & then take a look at your feet at the end of the day. Gross - it's as if you've been walking on soot all day long, you'll be scrubbing your feet clean for hours. Still, it's a drawback people are ready to take on to exhibit their feet. The weather's clouded over and I'm pleased to see people wearing closed two shoes again - no more big foot spottings down TCR.

5. Notting Hill Carnival / Bank Holiday Monday - This really is the last weekend of the summer... If people haven't already migrated to sunnier spots like Cornwall or Margate, they'll desperately head over to Notting Hill where they'll take part in the last crazy festival of the summer, and get mugged in the process... Fun, colourful and full of drunks, perfect way to end your summer...

How do you know your summer's over?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Subservient Chicken

I never thought I'd be endorsing in anything to do with Burger King but this is just too funny.... boring Sunday? Get the Subservient Chicken to do whatever you tell him... !
If this doesn't put you off a processed chicken burger, I don't know what else will...

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Sport's Quote of the Day

Arsene Wenger says he has no intention of saying goodbye to Jose Antonio Reyes:

“It’s like you wanting to marry Miss World and she doesn’t want you, what can I do about it? I can try to help you but if she does not want to marry you what can I do?"


Reason No. 323

I almost thought this site was a joke until I discovered they were right: CNN, The Da Vinci Code and Paris Hilton are all signs that we're in trouble...

They may have been bitter, bitter people to write out 10,000 Reasons Why Civilisation is Doomed, but it's worth looking at - some of it is so true...

Oh, and I don't like No. 307 either: Excessivly Negative People? They suck!

Friday, August 25, 2006


23 year old James Proven is a genius - he put together a video tribute to everyone's favourite breakfast food.

IHOP eat your heart out.

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